And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
