Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
