OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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