i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize