you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
