So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
worst night to have a conscience
Come see our sink grown plant.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
