My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
