Where is the hickey?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i now understand why vodka
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
