walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
