Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
