Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
