NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
