I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
