Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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