i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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