My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
