kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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