how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
