I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
