Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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