I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
