Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
