I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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