ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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