Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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