dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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