Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
