I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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