my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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