a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
