hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
