My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
