Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I still have a little drunk in my system
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
