I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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