True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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