My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
