I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize