cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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