My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
