Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
