she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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