If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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