So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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