Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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