3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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