dude i'm inner monologue high
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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