vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
