i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
false alarm, still single
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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