i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
