I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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