I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
