Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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