tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
