At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
