I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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