really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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