Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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