ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am available for nakedness
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