Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
