12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
