If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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