what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
