Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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