I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
