it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
