Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
