My room smells like vodka and shame
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
