I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
