I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
