I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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