Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
