I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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