Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
