He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
