He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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