You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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