trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
